Maybe i should move to Hillcrest for a few months

before deciding to go back.
Just spend February thru May in Hillcrest and see how it goes.
No car, just walking, and lots of life outside the door.

I'll strongly consider it.

Finances if I stay or move back

My monthly costs of living here

1. $500 rent
2. $110/mo insurance
3. $100-400/mo transportation (busses & taxi's run in the $100's, car runs over $400's)
Ill say $200 for that to make it easy.
4. $250 month send home
$1,060

Monthly costs if I live in Boston
1. $120/mo for cable
2. $300/mo to help with household
3. $320/mo insurance
$740

So not much different. I could stay here and send money home and then I can enjoy my freedom and date.

Should I move back home?

Reasons I should go back:

1. I'm not enjoying it here.
2. I'm spending too much money here.
3. I'd save money if I moved home, have full access to a free car.
4. I'm going to send money home anyways to help mom.
5. I'm afraid to drive anywhere because I dont know the area.
6. My mother needs help.
7. I'll have more money to grow P___ P___ faster
8. I'm familiar with the areas and roads and more comfortable.

Reasons stay here
1. Prove that I can make it.
2. Embarassing to go back. A failure.
3. No privace, can't have boyfriend.
4. Embarassed about sexuality.
5. Hate the weather in Boston, love it here.
6. Hate the east coast.
7. wont save that much money.

Been on a spending frenzy

bought some new stuff

1. Rented a car for the month - $450
2. Bought some SEO advice $47 form the Wa__ For____
3. Bought a RSS feed submission service $60
4. Bought a submission service to difrectories, SE's and squidoo - $25

I want to buy some memory today for my computer as it's constantly stalling.
Can't afford it, but I'll do it

I've decided to rent a car

I'm just not comfortable buying a car right now.
Id rather rent, even if it's $500 a month, and when the rental is over I can walk away.
I feel more comfortable with this, even though I know I'm spending more money.

Maybe for now I should stay in San Diego

And just send money home to help my mom.

What if I did this...

1. Stay here
2. Get a job
3. Get a car
4. Send money home
5. Build P_____

I could get a job anywhere, even fast food.
If it brings me in $200 a week thats money I can spend on a car or buying traffic.
Or just get a dumb job as an administrative assistant/data entry/whatever and take home $300 a week.

Debating with myself on getting a car. I still dont know

I dont know if Im going to stay in San Diego or what my future is.
If I buy a car I'll only get a loan if it's a 2002 or newer.
So that puts me in the $8k-$12k range that I'm responsible for in a used car.

I could rent a car but that would cost me about $2,500 from January through May 31st, 2007.

I could buy a shitbox for $2,500 but then it'll break down, and I'd have to pay cash.
What a dillema.

I really don't want to go back to Boston though.

Fantasy is better than reality

That's happened twice with me with dating.
Maybe I should leave it at that.

A list of things I'll buy when I'm successful.

I want to send money home. I would LOVE to send home a check for $5,000 and say here this is for you.

Then formyself a small house or condo. I think 2 bedroom/2 bath is fine. And a decent car. Probably an suv. The honda Pilot was very comfortable, I loved driving it.

ANd then just take trips everywhere, exercise, and enjoy life.

I really want a pool for swimming. I need to swim, I need exercise.

I added a counter to my board

And im glad I did, its very interesting.
A few people are trickling in from Y____ serps, which is nice.
Ive only added a few, I really need to just dive in and bang out a bunch of posts into the board, and let it sit and stew on auto pilot.

Its work, but hey, its work.
I'll take it over a factory job any day.

I can't wait until it's really cooking, hopefully within a few months.

My family called me for Christmas

It was nice, but kind of strange. The conversations were very quick. It was like they were quick to get off the phone with me.
Or maybe they felt like they didnt want to bother me. Is that the vibe I throw out to people?
Or had nothing in common with me.
I think I really need to change my ways. Im very boring and 1 note.

ok, I think I *finally* got it!

It's Christmas and everything is incredibly slow, but I think I finally got it.
It's not about the front page really, it's about getting them in the back for the community.
Like FC. Remember when no one would visit the front page?
I need to get people into the forum and keep it busy.

Realizing this, I wish I had picked another topic like food or pets or gaming. But it's there and it's a fun first site.
This is the chance for me to work out all the kinks on the first site, get it up and running and successful, and then use that as a foundation for other communities.
I just need around 15k members to get it going.
Peice o cake, lol

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I bought V___O for the forum, and that should be a major help. I should start seeing big results in about 6 months.

Good things happening. with this realization.

So depressed today, I cried

Fuck today was awful.
Had an appointment to meet a new doctor and had to take the bus of course.
Well I got confused on the address and went the wrong way and had to wait for the return bus.
I was so depressed that I cried.
The bus finally came and I went and found it.
I was late.
I forgot my cards and credit cards, so couldnt see the doctor.

I then went to UPS Store, no checks int he mail. Then went to Vons to buy some food and forgot, again, no cards with me.
I took the bus home depressed.

I went to look at cars today

L____ was nice enough to take me out to a few different dealerships to look at cars.
I'm let down by it.
I Just wanted a super cheap-o little car for $5-6k with a $120 a month car payment, just to get me around and take me to hillcrest, but the cheapest thigns I could find that were decent were around $10k.
I really odnt want a $200 a month payment on a car, $150 on insurance, $200/mo on gas, etc etc.

I need to think, what do I *Really* want.
Should I move to the city?
Should I get a car, then get a job?
I dont knwo what I want to do.

Well yes I know what I want, I'm just having trouble getting there.
Id love to get into a car for a year, and then give it back.

Business choices

I have some busines choices I could make

1. I could keep going the way I am now. Im bleeding money and no one is visiting my site.
And very slowly grow.

2. I could really push it hard, submit my site to everywhere. Copy my stuff to the message board. Submit my articles to people. Buy advertising.

3. I could get a job and keep this on the side.

4. Move home and have the money to push it harder.

Basically it will take a year before I see anything, so I need to occupy myself for a year.

I think I'll go with option #2 for a few months and see what Happens, then Ill incorporate option 3 into it.

Some decisions I need to make

My sister is moving out of my mother's house, after only 4 months lol.
The whole reason I moved out was becasue I thought she would stay with her for years.

So here I am in San Diego. It's been OK, nothing great.
Im broke, but at lease I have hope.
I could move back home in an instant and live rent free, and be depressed again.
But the money Id save I could do a LOT with that.

I need to get a car for a social life.

I want to stay moved away and let my family solve their own problems. Ill send money home when I can.

Im mad she bought so fast, but what can you do.
I never would have left had I known she would move.

The giveaway is over and it was a flop

I had maybe 63 people enter and gained maybe 2-5 regulars.
I honestly thought there would be hundreds and possibly thousands of entries, and I'd gain hundreds of regulars.

Well I can't say it was a total flop, it's not like 5 or 10 people entered, I did get dozens. Was just hoping for 50x more people.

I think I did it too quickly. Slow and solid or fast and fragile?
I should go slow and solid. I'm just so impatient, I want to be proactive.

At least it added some credability to the site, so when I do the next one people will pay more attention.

I think the 2 BEST sources of business are...

M___ S_____ and G_______
So I am going to concentrate on those.

with Y________ coming in second.

Got a new moderator

Someone messaged me and said she wanted to be a moderator. I grabbed her right away. IM glad to have help.

It's possible that the reason he SE's stopped

listing me was because of too many outgoing links.
I was linking the images and inside the article.

Ive scaled back so Im only showing 14 per page, and also removing links form the images.
I hope in a week we'll see some improvement.
That was a very nasty drop.

Traffic totally crashed, down to almost 0

Search engines just stopped listing me.
Searching around I have no links pointing to me.
I think Ill have to start posting articles, grrrrr.

The nightmare begins.

Can't sleep...worried about my mom

My sister is buying a new place and moving out with like 3 weeks of notice.
So now my mother will be living alone.
I dont want to move back home, but hate the htought of her living alone.
I spent so much of my life living with her already. I'm happier here in California.
Im really pissed now that she did that and so quickly.
My mother can't take care of herself.
Damn.

What the fuck am I going to do? I'll work harder and get a job and send money home.
damn I hate this.
I hope she sells the house soon and fast and then this nightmare can be over.

She brings a lot of this on herself though. In my opinion she's very stubborn and wont bend so she drives people away from her. She just wont let things go and its difficult to live with her.

Called home, just upset me

And it made me depressed again about money.
I think I seriously need to get a job and have more money to send home.
Man I hope this all gets finished up soon.

I can't keep being depressed and upset about money.

Things sped up, then slowed down

Things really sped up, I think a lot of it was from talking about my site on M__ S___ .
I was getting a lot of posts, so many I had 2 winners in 1 day. So fast.
I mailed out the checks yesterday, I hope they all got their checks.

Then I notices yesterday and today it all just slowed down.
I had re-turned on the Y___ advertising, but that was around $30 a day I was spending and then I turned it off again and then everything totally slowed down.

The giveaway is in a few days and Im glad to have it over and see what the results are once the dust has cleared.
Maybe I was a little too quick with it. Not sure yet.
We'll see

You really can't depend on people to help you

Met someone last weekend, a pr expert. Nice guy and had a great conversation and listened to music.
He said he'd help me promote my site, but haven't heard from him since. Called him and got no call back.

I think I may want to get a job and a car

I think it's time I grew up and got a job and a car.
I'm considering it.
I'm home all the time and stuck here. Can't go out because I dont have a car. I bought that bike but that wasn't much transportation at all.

If I had a car then I could go out and have a social life.
The times I do go out I have fun and make new friends. But otherwise I'm stuck at home.

Also being self employed I'm super isolated.
So this isn't healthy for me at all, Im working for myself solo so I'm alone, then I can't go out at night because I don't have a car.

Not healthy at all. I'm going to look for a small cheapie car, and then I can get a job.

I hate being alone on everything. I wish I had a partner

Why do I have to always be alone on everything?
The site isn't optimized but I dont know how to optimize it. Dont know how to do banner rotators, how to get the word out on the site, how to do anything.

And now I want to get a car because Im isolated and stuck.

I can't say it was a bad idea to move to San Diego because I *did* get my ideas here, and if I wasn't here I may not have had a business, but Im not sure if its a good idea to stay here.

I dont know anything.

I need a friend. and I definetely need a partner.

I need to get out of the house and relax

I feel so isolated.
I just wanted to lock myself into a room and bust my ass and come out with a good business, and I have the beginnings of that.
But now I'm feeling very Very lonely.

My best friend back home died, the other firends I had were more acquantainces so we never really hung out.
Here I dont have anyone but my landlord and roommate who are both great, but I need someone to hang out with.

Im thinking of going to Phoenix for a weekend Rodeo. I really should.
I think I should go out tonight too, I need to get out of here.

I changed my traffic stats reporting a little

I had my sites admin change my stats so it no longet lists myself as a referrer.
I want to see who else is linking to me. So my referrers should be a lot more honest from here on in.

Pictures are in...

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I met with a photographer who had a model and I paid $100 for him to just do some pictures for me while he was shooting anyways.
The pics came out OK, the model was lovely.
She wore a short with my sites name on it and held my product.
I put some pictures up on my board and on M__S____

I made $4.90 today!!!!!!!!!!

and made $3.40 yesterday.

Ok, here we go.

Someone searched for ME. Put me in a good mood

I checked my external stats account and saw that someone from New York City did a search for MY site.
They went to a search engine and they wanted ME.
That was so thrilling.
Hopefully a year from now I'll be seeing a LOT more of that.

I'm spending a lot of money and scared about it

I'm afraid to look at my credit card balances.
I'll need to see some returns within a year for this to have been worth it.

I'm starting to hit the $2-3/day range everyday

so thats good news. Onward and upward.
The contest is going ok, the board is getting busier, I hope.
Mailed the check to the first winner, we'll have the second winner soon.
Started buying traffic on sites that are similar to mine, through A____.

Havent written in a while

I stopped advertising on Y___ because it was getting too expensive.
I still have G____ and A__ B___ going.
I found some sites with similar themes as mine and will buy advertising on it.

My board is picking up.
L__'s cousin M___ is signing up and telling her friends. I really apreciate that.

I did a photo shoot with a model and a photographer.
Cant wait to get the pictures and put them on M____.

Site is averaging abour $2/day on its own now.

November final was $114.37

In November the final number I made was $114.37.

I bought traffic for 3 days:
G_____ cost me $27
A_ B___ cost me $21
Y____ cost me $93

Really though I made $37.50 during those 3 days after buying that traffic .
So I spent $142 and made $37.50
BUT...hopefully that traffic was a little sticky. Ill stop traffic for a few days and see if theres any bumps.